Monday, December 1, 2014

2 Men and a Snowman

You know the drill ya bums. It's Christmassacre time and the love is in the air.

This year we're returning with a trio of terrible Christmas films to tear your teats off.

First up at 6pm is the incomparable Hulk Hogan in:
Santa With Muscles
A film about a jerk who suffers a concussion and thinks he's Santa, leading to much hilarity and joy. Wonder and Joy.

Then at 7:30 you'll thrill to the agony that is Jack Frost 2. You may not remember Jack, and you may not want to, but that doesn't mean he doesn't remember you and he's coming. With a sack full of puns for all the good girls and boys.

Finally at 9 o'clock we present for the last fucking time at KFG, our perennial holiday favorite, the incomparable Silent Night Deadly Night.
Santa punishes naughty children. 'Nuf said.

So if, like us, you detest the holiday, come celebrate with sheer cinematic trash! Or is it TREASURE!? Only you can be the judge, but you have to witness it in person for your vote to count.
See ya at the Sunset...

Night of the Fist Angels: Steel Demon Brigade

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Unseen Horror

At last we have arrived. Once again it's time for a stack of movies to see the light of day for the first time in, well, who knows.
We're putting our neck on the line for you dear viewers, so hopefully it's worth it.
This October 20th we return to the Sunset, albeit a new incarnation for another round of Unseen Horror!

First up at 6pm is a thing called Alien Space Avenger. From the director of Class of Nuke 'Em High comes a sci-fi cop looking thing with some gore, but ya never know until ya watch it for the first time...

Next is The Satan Killer, a movie we had to get simply based on the cover. Let's hope it was a wise choice.

And finally Black Devil Doll from Hell, a rare 80's shot-on-video treat which lets hope is as good as the title.

That's right, we haven't seen 'em till you see 'em, so it's a gamble of the funnest kind.

Come see us on October 20th, 6pm,  at the Sunset! Seating at this popular show is limited, so come early!
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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Rothrock -n- Roll

We're back at Hattie's Hat for one more month before the Sunset re-opens and we figured we'd take advantage of the intimate surroundings of the back room to spend a little quality time with one of our favorite martial artists.

We've met Cynthia Rothrock before at KFG, but there's asomething special about the films we chose for tonight's show. Before we meet the star though, brace yourself for...

Awful Hour @ 6pm - whence came the salvage.

24 Hours to Midnight - Writer/director Leo Fong wasn't known for his big budgets, but he never let a project go unfinished. Or at least, not this one. Begun in '85, by the time it was finished six years later, Cynthia had moved on and all that remained were a few choice cuts. Although largely nonsense, the remaining film is quite entertainingly bad. You'll see.

Magic Crystal - The popularity of several Spielberg films in the middle 80's did not go unnoticed in Hong Kong where Cynthia Rothrock and longtime comrade and martial artist Richard Norton were cast opposite each other once again in this bizarre genre mash-up. Between (and thanks to) the oddities and anomalies lies a phenomenal film. The only thing standing between an evil magician and the KGB getting their hands on a very special rock are Interpol Agent Cynthia and her pals . But they might have some help from a friendly extra-terrestrial. You'll see it all in Magic Crystal.

Once again, we're at Hattie's Hat this month! The show starts at 6 and seating is limited though not limiting.

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Saturday, August 9, 2014

Kung Fu Yoga vs Alley Cat

We've been uprooted but we resetting our gnarled vines at Hattie's Hat this August 18th for a fresh round of garbage cinema in the back room!

Come on down and witness the majesty that will be...

6pm - Awful Hour - In which the VHS era comes back to life to dance and sing and scrape its way across the dual screens in Aunt Harriet's Room!

7pm - Kung Fu vs. Yoga - Headslapping comedy meets lightning fast-fu as one gap toothed loon goes mano-a-mano with another in this classic throwback to the days of style-vs.-style martial arts mania. One of the wackiest of the bunch and far more entertaining than even Kung-Fu vs the Mafia!

8:30pm - Alley Cat -  Karin Mani stars as a busty Charles Bronson in this 1984 Death Wish knockoff with all the finesse and class of high waisted jeans. Thrill as Karin kicks junkies in the face, gasp as she serves time in the clink, and cheer as she teams up with a strapping young policeman to dance between the sheets, but mostly to avenge her dear grandmother and end Scarface's reign of terror! Your eyes are sure to be a-poppin this month at Kung Fu Grindhouse!

REMEMBER!: this month and next, we're at Hattie's Hat, 5231 Ballard Ave NW, in the back room. Space is much more limited so don't be late if ya wanna seat!

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

I Drink Your Angel Braniac Blood

We're knocking out our last month at the Sunset (for a while) with a triple feature of bizarre and hilarious movies for your succor.

First up it's The Brainiac, a wierd and wooly monster movie from 1960's Mexico in which an evil warlock returns to Earth aboard a comet to eat the brains of his former enemies descendants and glare at the camera in a wild rubber outfit.

Fast-forward to the the good old USA for a Manson Family-esque jaunt through the backwoods in I Drink Your Blood. When a band of grimy, lunatic hippies show up in town, a local boy with a corpse fetish takes matters into his own hands. Soon however the town is overrun by bloodthirsty hippies and construction workers. Well, at least the kid tried to help.

Finally with Angelfist we're off the the Philippines for a hearty dose of martial arts action from ignominious director Cirio Santiago. In this Kickboxer knockoff we find Cat Sassoon on the hunt for her sister's killers and fighting her way from locker-room to ring, up the proverbial food chain to unravel a conspiracy of B-movie proportions.

From suction-cup hands to barbecued rats to gratuitous birthday suits this month's KFG is a feast for the eyes, let me tell ya.

Come see it all with us on July 21st at the Sunset. Show starts at 6pm sharp!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Ape and a Guillotine

The devil is, as they say, in the details and this months show proves the rule. On JUNE 16th we're stirring the waters of contempt once again with a double feature you won't soon forget.
We open this buffet at 6pm with an appetizer called...
Awful Hour - In which trashy found videos are beamed at your eyeballs for sixty whole minutes. Phill has just recovered a delectable stack of instructionals for us to abhor.
At 7pm it's the Korean production A.P.E., possibly the lowest of the low budget Kong knockoffs, A.P.E. pulls no gut-punches in it's effort to offend the senses. There will be rubber masks, shark wrasslin', apes that change size in every shot and screaming, oh yes will there be screaming.
Finally at 8:30 we bring you the 1975 classic Flying Guillotine. Not to be confused with Master of the Flying Guillotine which was released a year later and featured just ONE, this film offers up a whole pride of flying decapitators. When a paranoid emperor begins beheading everyone in sight, one of his guards (Chen Kuan Tai) becomes disillusioned and leaves to become a farmer. But ya can't get too far from the guillotine and Chen Kuan Tai is gonna have to figure out how to beat those flying furies!

Come see it all happen at the Sunset on June 16 at 6pm!

Monday, May 5, 2014

Double Dose of Deadly Death

This May 19th say your prayers as we prepare to dine on a double dose of Deadly Death!

At 6pm we open the evening with a single hour of the most atrocious film that can be dredged up from the muck of history in The Awful Hour

Then, up at 7pm is the classic Shaw picture Death Valley in which hired assassins and fugitives unwittingly become friends. Packed with the sort of swordplay you expect from the top talent of the era.

Finally at 8:30 we rack-em-up for Deadly Prey, a film that brings home the bacon on sheer gun-hungry mania. They say he was the best in Vietnam, he still is! Watch as a man wronged sets the world right again, all while wearing nothing but a pair of cut-offs. What could be more beautiful we ask you, what?

Only all of these things, on one night, in one place, in good company.

May 19, Sunset Tavern, Ballard WA, 6:00pm. Dig it.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

9th Anniversary Triple Feature

After nine years of silly and sloppy cinema we're marking the beginning of our tenth with a favorite new practice, UNSEEN VIDEO! That's right, on April 21st we'll be watching for the FIRST TIME EVER, three films we picked off the shelves at Scarecrow Video simply based on their boxes.

It'll be hard to hold out, but we don't see 'em till you see 'em beginning with...

Tammy and the T-Rex at 6pm - High school shenanigans apparently ensue when a guy turns into a Tyranosaur and must still win the heart of the gal he loves?

Karate Cop at 7:30 - David Carradine is in it and it looks pretty bad.

And finally at 9pm it's The Suckling - An aborted and flushed fetus mutates and returns to seek revenge! Is it Christian propaganda, or just plain homegrown horror? Only you can decide when we watch it together on April 21st!

Please note THE FIRST FILM STARTS AT 6pm! This shit is gonna be full, so make sure to get your seats! Plus we'll be giving shit away, so you don't want to miss this sucker!

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Thursday, March 6, 2014

the King of the RAD Boxers

As we're sure you're well aware, the time has come once again to grind the house as we like to say over here at Kung Fu Grindhouse. Before I get too lexically clever lets take a look at what's on the platter for March 17th at The Sunset...

First up at 6pm is Awful Hour, that special time of the evening when we scrounge up something painful from the VHS age...

Next at 7pm you'll find yourself transported back through time to 1986 when BMX bikes were all the rage and skinny jeans not yet "ironic." Cru Jones is a small town kid with a paper-route. Will his awesome pedaling skills and heartwarming community support stand up to those big city goon riders? Find out in RAD!

Then at 8:30 we have an offbeat little tale about a man who must avenge his brother's mysterious death in Thailand. Sounds more than a little like a popular film from 1988, but with the inclusion of the awkward Loren Avedon and of Billy Blanks as the baddie, King of the Kickboxers offers more than a few twists, turns and opportunities for hilarity.

So, without further ado, get your ass to The Sunset on March 17th!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Golden Swallow & Kill and Kill Again

We come once again to that special time in the month marked arbitrarily as the "third-Monday." It may not mean much to most, but to those in the know, it means Kung Fu Grindhouse.

First out of the gate at 6pm comes:
Awful Hour: In which your eyes feast upon the lost treasures of the VHS age.

Then at 7pm: 1968's Golden Swallow. This beautifully shot Shaw Brothers classic directed by Chang Cheh  features Cheng Pei-pei reprising her role as Golden Swallow from the film Come Drink with Me. She is wrongfully framed for murder and must fight her way to innocence. Two men with an eye for Golden Swallow and jealousy for each other stand by her side in an intense action love triangle.

Finally capping off a night of intense martial combat comes Kill and Kill Again, a 1981 South African karate film with a healthy dose of humor.Steve Chase does his merry best to stop an evil guy bent on ruling the world with an army of "karate slaves." The comparisons to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoon don't stop there as Steve teams up with a gaggle of silly goons and pretty gals to flex, sweat, wisecrack and keee-ai his way to victory in finest Afrikaans fashion.

You know how these things work, so be there on February 17 at 6pm for the REAL DEAL.
Seats fill up fast, so don't be late.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Exterminator City

Our January 20, 2014 installment features one of the most fascinating phenomena of the 20th century. And what better time than the 21st. We open a new year of KFG with some of our terrible favorites of the last years, and by terrible I mean of course, AMAZING!

First up at 6 is of course Awful Hour in which the refuse of a billion video cassettes washes up on the shores of the Sunset Screen...

Then at 7pm we present for your satisfaction the 1988 Italian masterpiece Robowar. Directed by the nefarious Bruno Mattei, this gem stars Reb Brown in a bizarre mashup of Terminator and Predator with a synth soundtrack. Ooof!

Finally at 8:30 the cream of the crop, 2005's Exterminator City in which a robot exterminator goes insane and starts murdering softcore actresses. Robo-priests, robo-psychiatrists and hard-boiled robot-detectives all do their part in making this one of the most screwy messes in recent memory. And they're all puppets. Yes, puppets. Silly gore, unintelligible dialogue and surgically augmented mammary glands abound in this extremely low budget favorite. WARNING: unnecessary nudity, terrible acting, bloody puppets and groaning make up the bulk of this film.

See you on JANUARY 20th!