Monday, November 7, 2011

Samurai Cop!

Immense destruction commences at 6pm with the Awful Hour!

It only gets awfuller at 7pm with Twin Sitters, the tale of two boneheaded brothers who babysit a rich kid to earn money so they can start their own Italian restaurant.

Prolonged sadism keeps on trucking at 8:30 with Beaks! The Movie in which Spanish birds begin attacking terrible actors and chewing the scenery!

The Pinnacle of agony arrives at 10pm with the epic Samurai Cop, a story so atrocious they had to make it! After repeated provocation, the fearsome Yakuza finally decides to strike back at the cops. Two cops, either too brave or too stupid to know better, dare to stand up against the terrifying power of the well-endowed Yamashita!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Night of Terrors 6 Toast

Thanks for another successful night folks, we'll see you on November 21st!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Night of Terrors 6: The Final Night of Terrors

This October 24th, Kung Fu Grindhouse delves once again into our charnel house of decrepit zombie movies for Night of Terrors 6: The Final Night of Terrors

This year we dig into the (mostly) 80's for a night of threequels beginning with:

Zombie 3 (1988): An entertainingly atrocious film directed by no less than three (3!) Italian splattermeisters. Zombie 3 is at times confusing, comforting and gory as all hell but in every way it is wonderful. From zombie birds to flying severed zombie heads it is a sight to behold as a terrorist steals a biological weapon and finds out the hard way just what he's gotten into. Forced to work together by a growing zombie epidemic, a group of vacationers and some army buddies hole up an an old hotel while the world comes crashing down.

Day of the Dead (1985): More military mania as the world continues to fall apart under overwhelming zombie doom. In a subterranean military base, the army goons and the civilian clowns are at each other's throats. As George Romero's thin critique of United Statesian political squabbling and culture war plays out in darkened hallways and freight elevators, the dead are waiting to snack on the winner.

Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993): When disgruntled Gen-Xer Curt's girlfriend Julie is killed in a motorcycle accident, he sneaks onto his dad's Army base and resurrects her with the zombifying chemical Trioxin. The rest is a debacle of slapstick as Curt tries to keep Julie hidden from Chicano Gangs, the Police and his grumpy dad while Julie attempts to "come to terms" with her condition. While not quite the allegorical opus of its predecessors, ROTLD3 piles on the bleak and fun zombie gorror.

Mmmmmmm Hmmmmmm. That's right, we'll see you on October 24th at 7pm. This is a popular show so seating usually goes fast!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Prodigal Son

The Vindicator (1986) - 7:00pm - Every scientific research lab has a snitch. Y'know, the person who gets all whiney just when some ethically questionable research starts to yield promising results? Well Carl is just one such punk, but his coworkers are not about to allow their success to be thwarted by his moral hang-ups.

Joysticks (1983) – 8:30pm – There’s nothing quite as sinister and threatening to the integrity of traditional United Statesian Christian culture than a video arcade is there? When Joe Don Baker declares a crusade to shut down the arcade it’s time to declare war right back as only the 80’s can do, with punk rockers, topless girls and arcade games.

Prodigal Son (1981) – 10:00pm – When he discovers that all of his opponents have been paid to lose, Yuen Biao heads out to find a real kung fu teacher. What he finds instead are a couple of crazy brothers perpetually at each others throats. Well anyway, crazy brothers who know kung fu. Humor and hardcore fights from KFG standard-bearer Sammo Hung.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Ninja Vengeance Toast

Yargggghhhh! See you On September 24th for Prodigal Son!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Ninja Vengeance

In which three films and some exhumed VHS trash are screened back to back at the Sunset on August 15th.

THEM! (1958) - 7:00pm - In which atomic radiation causes a bunch of ants to grow to incredible size threatening to usurp mankind's hard won position as most destructive consumers on the planet Earth. This cannot be permitted.

Captain America 2 (1979) - 8:30pm - In which Reb Brown dons Cap's outfit for a tasty romp through idiot-land and a bunch of friendly dogs. Crapping out hanglider and smashing motorbike on waterfall, lots of gunshots all the time and all the bad-guys intentions are broadcast over a public address system just before or just after they occur. Motorcycle helmet and pain means you thought it was TOO SOON FOR A SEQUEL?

Ninja Vengeance (1988) - 10:00pm -  In which a white man comes to town and accidentally finds himself saving the Black residents from the Klan and white audience members from their guilty conscience.  Fortunately our Magnificent Singular Amigo Samurai just happens to have brought his instructional manuals along for the big fight. Transforming himself into the titular Ninja, he takes vengeance, but not for the selfless reasons you would hope.

August 15, 2011: In which you will have fun.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Monday, July 4, 2011


Do you think you know Kung Fu Grindhouse?

Student Bodies - 7:00pm - Long before Wes Craven's career tanked (which was pretty long ago) slasher movies (which Wes Craven was instrumental in defining) got mocked hardcore. In fact their shittyness was so mocked that they could be mocked shittily and it was still mockery. Got it?

Howling 2 - 8:30 - What wingnut French/Aussie director doesn't want to shoot his asinine nonsensical werewolf movie sequel off the cuff in Eastern Europe with a bunch of punkrockers and fake hair appliances? Sybil Danning was thinking the same thing when she signed up and tore her shirt off for this epic masterpiece of terrible celluloid perfection.

Drive - 10:00 - A former Stuntman cum director made an awesome kung fu movie starring the amazingly talented but sadly deadpan Mark Dacascos and a bunch of tired racist stereotypes. Not so oddly, if you are aware of the unfortunate bigotry, you can laugh at the ridiculousness of an otherwise awesome movie all the more knowing that you're smarter than that.


Monday, June 6, 2011

Blood Fight

If you were to image search the main feature you wouldn't get much that is actually related to the film. At least, nothing that gives you any idea what it is about. But that is what we strive for here at KFG, obscurity in content and context. It's what makes our little hearts beat with joy. This month, feature aside, is an event of profound proportions, witness:

Thank God It's Friday - 7PM - A cornucopia of characters converge on The Zoo, a swanky Los Angeles disco club where the Commodores are set to appear that night for a big dance contest. Oh goody! Laughter and merriment follow in a profuse and bubbly abundance of shitty fashion and tunes.

Megaforce - 8:30 - Barry Bostwick kicks the asceticism of the Carter era straight in the gonads with Reagan sized helping of fantasy techno boner military hardware. Watch misguided foreign interventions and war get fun and sparkly again!

Blood Fight (AKA Final Fight) - 10PM - Retired Japanese fighter Masahiro is looking for a disciple to carry on his legacy. When Chang Li the Vietnamese Cobra and reigning champion of Asian free fighting murders Masahiro’s new Chinese student in the ring, the teacher must get over his sense of failure and take revenge against this much larger, younger and ruthlesser opponent. Phoenetic English abounds in this Japanese/Hong Konginese masterpiece of cheese.

See you June 20th.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Breathing Fire Toast

A little bit of crude photo adjustment and my picture works! Thanks for coming out again guys, it was lots of fun. See you June 20th!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Breathing Fire

Six years and one more show to begin the seventh. Tonight is bound to be entertaining in a number of mostly objective ways. Quality is, this month as always, job number one here at Kung Fu Grindhouse.

Night of the Lepus - 7:00pm - It's been a while since we had a giant monster, or animals gone wild, so we thought it might be fun to combine the two. Fluffy bunny terror!

Tiger Claws II - 8:30 - Producer Jalal Merhi returns to the screen with his inflated ego flopped out for everyone to see. Cynthia Rothrock and Bolo Yeung appear in supporting roles which don't quite match up to the plotline in the first film.That hardly matters as Merhi and Rothrock entertain a painfully one sided relationship while tracking down the surprisingly less sinister than usual Yeung in the first installment of our High-Quality Bolo Double Feature.

Breathing Fire - 10:00 - Two brothers, one an adopted Vietnamese orphan, get involved in a criminal showdown between several Vietnam veterans. One of the 'Nam vets is their dad whose gang robs a bank and then must face off against another Vet on the other side of the law. A plethora of WTF moments follow in the finest schlocky fashion as Bolo Yeung tears up the screen once again.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Drink Specials of the Past

The last two shows have been awesome blowouts thanks primarily to you, our fans. I got so distracted with the giving away of trivia prizes that I forgot to take photos of y'all giving yourselves and Weng-Weng a toast. Here are your drink specials from the last two shows. We are very excited for the upcoming nights of May 16th and June 20th especially because the feature films are so awesome and inspiring. We will be there, and we hope you will be too.

Monday, April 4, 2011

6th Anniversary

Kung Fu Grindhouse considers itself a grave robber of sorts, sifting through the cinematic charnell house for dusty old tasty bits. After six years of unearthing the good stuff, we've started to develop a little cemetery of our own....
As we usually do on our anniversary, we dig through our own past and make the carcasses dance for your pleasure once again across the magic screen at the Sunset. This year we're going way back in our dismal history for some particularly delectable morsels of trash for you to feast your festering see-holes on. Bear witness........

The Impossible Kid at 7:00pm - Three foot secret Agent 00 strikes back at organized crime in this Filippino flick starring the diminutive Weng Weng. Little Weng works for Interpol and is stocked with  scale versions of all the crimefighting hardware any leisure-suited miniature Casanova could need.

Microwave Massacre at 8:30pm - A gigantic microwave stars as itself and Jackie Vernon "stars" as Donald, a construction worker who  gets so sick of his wife's nagging and lousy cooking that he kills her. Much to his chagrin, the remains end up in his former wife's favorite appliance and subsequently in the food supply.

Fist of the White Lotus at 10:00pm - A classic kung-fu tale of revenge taken to epic and absurd heights. Gordon Liu must defeat Pai Mei a man possessed of the surreal ghost technique and so evil he demonstrates his deadly skills on his own retainers. Liu must master the embroidery technique if he is going to get anywhere near Pai Mei's family jewels and settle the score.

Even we haven't seen any of these movies in years, this show is going to be Awesome! We'll be giving away some Anniversary presents, so don't miss out.
See you April 18th.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

TC 2000 Toast

Thanks again y'all, it was a great night and a great show for us too! See you for our anniversary on April 18th and check the schedule at right for upcoming shows.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

TC 2000 - March 21st

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Where's the usual barely witty and disparaging synopses of these films guys? C'mon!" Well the truth is that when I usually write these things, I've seen the films at least once, maybe twice already. This time however, Phill put together an almost totally secret show featuring a lineup that was a mystery even to me until practically the last minute. Unlike the shows I put together, I have total faith in my comrade's ability to concoct an unassailably rad cinematic assault to blow your mind. He has done so every single time in the past.
In this case, I have yet to see two of the films on the roster for March 21st, it is going to be as much a surprise for me as it is for you. That said, I put together a brief lineup roster with vague and mostly fabricated synopses:

Low Blow - 7:00 - Low budget “action” film starring Leo Fong as a private dick who doesn’t seem to care about his car, or parking it.

Ring of Steel - 8:30 - Watch Ren-Fair nerds fight each other to the death for your amusement. Feels good doesn’t it?

TC 2000 - 10:00 - Post-Apocalyptic sci-fi martial arts actioner starring Billy "Tae-Bo" Blanks, Bolo "Chinese Hercules" Yeung and Mathias "Tiny Head" Hues in wall to wall Terminator rip-off robo-fighting!

Hahahaha! This is going to be fantastic. See you then!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Ninja Silent Assassin Toast

Oops, sorry about that. The good news is that the Sunset bought a new DVD player the very next day. That doesn't unbreak your hearts I know, but next month will be just fine.
See you then.

Citrus Sword

Monday, February 7, 2011

Ninja Silent Assassin

Disinterring the mouldy carcass of film history is what we're all about here at Kung Fu Grindhouse and this February 21st is no exception. Bear witness as we snap off these brittle and decayed apendages for your lip-smacking perusal:

It Happened At the Worlds Fair - 7:00PM - Few people know that The King filmed a movie here in Seatown right down there at Seattle Center. Back then all those buildings were still shiny and full of naive optimism, the Soviets were still a terrifying prospect and riding the monorail didn't require treatment for smoke inhalation.

Terror Vision - 8:30PM - After falling asleep while watching old horror movies with his grandfather, Sherman Putterman discovers that the TV has zapped a giant monster into their home. The monster thrives on junkfood and TV. Woah dude, that's like, a totally deep metaphor, I'm going to need a while to process that one. Pop culture goes literally mad!

Ninja Silent Assassin - 10PM - "Possibly one of Godfrey Ho's more watchable ninja Frankenfilms." Ah hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Bring an extra napkin to the Sunset on February 21st, it's going to get messy.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Ip Man 2


As promised at our screening of Ip Man earlier this month, the Kung Fu Grindhouse crew is going to head out to the theater and see the sequel, Ip Man 2 this Friday Feb. 4th. We're meeting up at the Metro Cinema in the University District to see the 6:55 show.

But wait it gets better.

If people are into continuing our Grindhouse night on the town after Ip Man, we'll head on down to the College Inn Pub for a couple of beers, then a hike back up the Ave to the Grand Illusion where we'll watch Mako: The Jaws of Death at 11PM

If the showtime or theater  for Ip Man 2 changes when the new releases come out this week, we'll update this post to keep you current.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Ip Man

This January 17th KFG returns to the Sunset with another round of salvage cinema and good times, or aren't those things one and the same?

Rollerboogie – 7pm – Lind Blair stars in this amazing and totally unique take on those crazy narcissistic flash in the pan phenomena of the post aquarian era known as “roller-skating”, and “disco” or some such nonsense. Be prepared for a glut of earnest emoting, cuddly heartwrenching David v. Goliath socio-economic parables and enough sparkles to make a hipster have an aneurism.

Death Spa – 8:30 – Oh the 80’s, the reactionary 80’s, a bitter and acrimonious decade insistent on defecating directly into the mouth of every communistical hippie it could lay its cocaine encrusted power-tie on. If ever there was a ubiquitous institution for the Reagan era besides all those other ones, you could hardly do without a health spa/club, preferably packed to the gills with hyperbolically coiffed trust-fundies. Then subject them all to an absurd premise which includes supernatural revenge from beyond the grave and you have a grand old time just waiting to happen.

Ip Man – 10pm – So one time, Japan invaded China and did a bunch of horrible stuff there, creating a 75 year legacy of cinematically recodified ineluctable Japanese cruelty and incompetence countered only by Chinese stoicism, excellence and perseverance in martial arts. The amazing Donnie Yen stars in this ambiguously historic but undeniably heroic tale of that period and some martial arts, most notably Wing Chun which he’s really good at.